So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Me too!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
