I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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