Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
