help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you never un-have a 4some
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
