I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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