great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
did i just pee glitter
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
