Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
