try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
