Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
