No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
