just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
