I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
