how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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