I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
