I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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