Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
