Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
