If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
even my farts smell like vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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