I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
