We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I need moral support for this bender
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
