and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just puked most of my soul out..
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