No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
