69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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