So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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