Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
