Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
