i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's blow job season.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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