Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
