I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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