I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
