I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
