she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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