In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
