Having a random hookup so left but love u
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize