I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
