Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
