no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
