Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
