My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
