you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
