Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
