I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
