Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
