Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
