Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
