I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
