It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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