Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
