____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
