i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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