Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
