EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
