when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
