i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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