The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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