If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
