I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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