I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
