dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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