The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
