I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
