Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize