I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
