this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As shirtless as possible
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
