dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
