Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
