I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
