Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Alive.
So much puke
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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