you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
