i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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