Umm I'm too high to move.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
