There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
