It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
