reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
