I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
