If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
