Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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