it was like his penis was on wheels.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
