only you would photoshop your dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just high enough for therapy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize